A Guide to #StarttheConversation
The theme of World Suicide Prevention Day 2024 is #StartTheConversation. At TELL, we want to use the Step Up Challenge as a springboard to begin really talking to the people in our lives, making a space to check in, address loneliness, combat the stigma around talking about mental health and wellbeing, and just connect. But what does all that really mean?
What is start the conversation?
Start the conversation. Ask someone how they are. Maybe let them know you have noticed if they have been behaving differently. You don’t have to start off with all the big stuff or for it be a dramatic change. Just check in. Maybe you’re the one who wants to let someone know how you are doing, or, if you feel comfortable, share your experience.
Why start the conversation?
We don’t always know when someone is going through something, feeling down, or really struggling. It’s totally normal to feel down sometimes and our mood, outlook and feelings fluctuate. We also all go through lots of different experiences and will respond and react to them in different ways.
It’s not always easy to start talking, especially if you’re stressed about how the other person will react, being stuck about what to say, making things worse, or you have your own stuff going on.
There can be a lot of stigma and shame about being vulnerable. In some societies and settings, we are taught that if someone asks “how are you?”, you’re not really supposed to answer fully or truthfully. Rather than a genuine question, it’s merely a social nicety that should be met with “fine” or “not too bad” and nothing more elaborate.
How can i start the conversation?
You could make it a practice to check in with people - if you have been socialised to give/expect a rote answer like “fine” to the questions“ how are you?” - you can introduce a practice of asking twice, or following up with “what have you been up to?” or “how are things going?” to show that you genuinely have time and are interested in the conversation, not just following social protocol.
Why questions don’t always feel safe - they can feel judgmental or unnecessarily inquisitive.
You can’t control what someone tells you. If someone goes beyond the answer “fine” when answering “how are you” or any of the variations on that, they are showing trust opening up. You don’t have to fix their problems, and probably it’s not that easy anyway. You don’t need to know all the answers. Make space for a conversation. You might be the one sharing.
Equip yourself with resources so if you feel out of your depth, you have support.
Take some training, such as QPR, so you can feel prepared if someone shares with you that they feel suicidal. Also, if you are worried about someone, that they might be feeling suicidal, you want to know how to ask them about this. Doing some training and practice, like QPR, could help you feel more confident supporting them.
Why start the conversation?
Could be anytime but you might want to make sure that you have time for this conversation. If the conversation goes deeper, or somewhere you didn’t expect and you can’t give it the time it needs, make a plan to follow up/carry on when you can.
Where can I start the conversation?
It’s going to depend on the conversation. If you’re just checking in with someone, then it could be anywhere, but we can’t always predict where things are going to go. If your friend, family member, partner, coworker, whoever it might be, shares something personal, then you might want to think about taking the conversation to a more private space where everyone can feel more comfortable.
Who can start the conversation?
You could start a conversation with anyone. It might be a family member, friend, partner, long lost school or university friend, coworker, or stranger.
Maybe you talk every day, maybe you haven’t spoken in years.
Maybe you’ve noticed they are acting a bit differently recently or maybe you have been going through some stuff and you’re not sure how to talk about it.